I feel like this today. Holding Matt tight and never letting go.
I learned last night through the greatest Professor I know, Dr Bob Fulton, that the ancient Buddhists were taught that life was nothing more than a situation of snakes and ladders and eventually it evolved outside of Buddhism into the game we learn to play as children. Each square was set as being either stable without transition or a wonderful opportunity that took you forward or one that severely debilitated or finished a life cycle. Right now our family is on a snake and how far down it will take us remains yet to be seen. We pray that we land quickly on a stable square to move forward again and catch one of those ladders. Frustration grows as we wait because it is not our turn to roll the dice. We hope like excited children that news will be favourable and keep us moving forward along the perilous board.
Matt was in hospital yesterday and I was in a mad panic to park the car and see his surgeon. As it was early morning Friday there was a line up at the ticket meter machine. I rushed forward, late and unsteady and asked them if I could get my ticket in the hopes that I could be there for Matt when he received news of the next step – biopsy on the tumour deep in his brain. The crowd parted and sighed sympathetically while a man took the credit card out of my hand, “your hand is shaking, let me help you.” Hands touched my back and arms while the ticket was processing until the strongest hand of all gripped my shoulder tight and I heard a deep voice behind me say, “Sweetheart, I have had two brain tumours and I am fine. Your husband will be alright. Take faith.” I turned to him and said, “You’ve had two brain tumours? Really?” “Yes,’ he said, “It scared the hell out of my wife but I’m alright.”