Once

I want to call you. Every night I do. I think of you all the time and wonder what is making you smile? What is occupying that brain of yours? You’re so full of humour, intelligence and wisdom. I want to record it all down. Soak it in. I wish you could answer all my questions. It makes me feel safe when you do but it’s hard to call. The kids don’t go to bed easily and I get so tired. It takes time to pick up and go; to pick up and call.

We all pack in the car to drive Daddy to his therapy downtown. There’s a lot of back and forth. There’s a lot of up and down. We work hard to steady the wild emotions and keep on. The trick is to keep our slow and keep together. We don’t participate extendedly like we used to. He gets tired so easily. He needs to hibernate and sleep and our lives move like heated molasses. Some days are more active than others but there is always a limit to his exertion. He’s just not the same as he once was and now we all slow to the timing of the patriarch.

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